Dressed to Kill

It’s almost October, and that means that we’re only a few weeks away from Halloween. And I love Halloween. I love it because…well, because of this…

My little pumpkin

Azita is so cute in a costume, like this pumpkin costume she inherited from her cousins. And, Azita loves costumes, too. When she tried this one on, she insisted on wearing it for the whole morning, even the hat. And she hates hats.

I guess I just know that Halloween with Azita will be magical.

Halloween wasn’t always magical for me, though. My mother wasn’t exactly the PTA type, and she rarely got into the spirit of helping her children participate in the experiences that make people feel nostalgic about childhood. Halloween fell squarely in that category. One year she dressed my sister and I up like Little Red Riding Hood, and that was really fun. Things went downhill after that.

When I was in the third grade, my sister and I started at a new school. We were desperate to fit in, and things weren’t going so well. The Halloween parade seemed to be our chance to wow our classmates and show them just how cool we were. So, we began our campaign for coolness early, as in on the first day of school. Specifically, we wanted one of those store-bought costumes, something like Princess Leia or a Care Bear or Jem. We begged for a month, and with Halloween just a few days away, we began to realize that this thing we wanted was not going to happen.

But then on the night before Halloween, my mother took us to Dart Drug and let us loose in the seasonal section. Which was really awesome. Except there were no costumes left. Actually, there were costumes left. There was an entire rack of costumes for us to choose from. Our choices were any of the four band members of KISS. Yup. The guys who paint their faces and rock n’ roll all night and party every day. So what could we do? This was how I found myself on the morning of Halloween, getting dressed as Gene Simmons.

That’s when the real disaster struck. As I tried to slip in to my costume, I lost my balance and my foot went right through the plastic ripping my costume in half. The school bus was arriving in just minutes, and I had nothing to wear to the Halloween parade.

That’s when my mother had her brilliant idea, which is actually when the real disaster struck. She disappeared into her room and reappeared holding a traditional Kurdish costume. Made entirely of shiny fabric and emblazened with sequins, metallic rickrack and little round mirrors, it consisted of a shirt, a vest, a giant poofy skirt, and a voluminous pair of pants. A pair of slippers befitting a genie accompanied the outfit.

I died on the spot. This was not the sort of cool I was going for, but what choice did I have? So I put the costume on, and what comes next will haunt me forever. It was at this point that my mother insisted I make use of the mask that accompanied the now destroyed Gene Simmons costume, because it would be a waste, after all.

And this is how I participated in the Laurel Ridge Elementary Halloween parade dressed as a Kurdish dancer who looked remarkably like Gene Simmons. I’m pretty sure this is also why I was never cool in high school. Traumatic events like this can scar a person for life, and this one did. To this day, my sister and I die of laughter when we even think about this day. Die. We’ve died a thousand deaths just thinking about it.

Which is why I care so much about Halloween for Azita, because it matters. Childhood memories matter. They are things you can hold on to, and by George, Azita will have many fun Halloweens to remember fondly in 30 years.

But I can pretty much guarantee that they will be even more special to me.

Eh-Baba and Bah Bah

This morning after a night of only a couple hours of sleep, Azita wakes up, jumps to a sitting position and gives me a big slobbery kiss. On the mouth. And she says MMMMMMMMmmmmmmm-uh and then giggles. I couldn’t help but laugh semi-hysterically.

Then when she was eating her breakfast, she says “mmmmmmmm. bah-bah-bah-bah” and she rubbed her tummy. When Iranians eat something tasty, they say “bah-bah-bah.” Apparently, Azita has picked that up. And that’s not all. When she stopped eating and moved on to playing with her food, I took her tray away, and she wasn’t too thrilled about that. Her response? “eh-baba.” If you’re Iranian, you know why that’s cute. It’s just such an adult thing to say. The way she said it, it was like an old man was talking in my little toddler’s voice. You can also probably imagine from whom she picked that up.

Me thinks it’s time for Roger to get serious about watching his language before she moves from copying the eh-babas and bah-bahs on to the “F*%! you, asshole” and other choice things Roger likes to say when he drives, walks or does just about anything.

A Few of My Favorite Things

Every day as Azita grows older, she grows a personality that amazes me. My little girl has personality in spades, and she’s funny. Seriously. She has a sense of humor. It’s hard to describe, but it’s a look in her eyes when she does something amusing. It’s the way she smiles kind of crooked. You can tell she knows she’s funny and the power that gives her.

So, with that said, here are a few things that make me laugh. My favorite things. The things that make it impossible for me to not pinch her cheeks and smother her with kisses.

  1. Azita coughs a lot. It turns out she may actually have asthma, which isn’t funny. What is funny is that she passes gas every time she coughs. Loudly. And the best part is that she smiles her toothless smile and toddles along as if she didn’t just make the funniest sound ever.
  2. Azita loves to dance, and she does it all the time. It’s cute, but you know what’s funny? When Azita does something new or something she’s a little proud of, she dances a little jig. And it’s the funniest jig you’ve ever seen. She stands up on her tippy toes and starts stamping her right foot to an imaginary beat as her torso kind of jerks to and fro.
  3. Azita is as clumsy as she is daring, so she falls a lot. When she first became mobile, I was a wreck. Then I realized that I imagined it hurt far more than it actually hurt her. How do I know this? Because when she falls or has some other accident she says “Whoooooaaaaa”, laughs, and gets right back up, usually bolting across the room. It’s adorable, and not just because she says “Whooooooaaaaa”, but also because she falls with the comedic style and timing of Lucille Ball.
  4. Azita’s appetite can be pretty spotty, but when she gets hungry boy does she get hungry. Have I mentioned that she inherited her mother’s propensity for sporting a food baby. And she really, really sports it. When she gets up from her booster chair she thrusts her belly out and wobbles around, clearly off balance from the drastic change in her center of gravity. When I’m at work and missing her or just having a bad day, I close my eyes and picture her with her little belly pregnant with food and I can’t help but laugh.

Vocabulary Lesson

Sassy: adj. Lively and spirited; jaunty

Pensive: adj. Dreamily or wistfully thoughtful

v

Skeptic: n. a person who questions the validity or authenticity of something purporting to be factual.

One Year Ago Today…

One year ago today, I went to my last (unbeknownst to me) pre-natal doctor’s visit and was told that I would be scheduled for a c-section the next day. I left the office with instructions to appear at Labor & Delivery at 7am the following morning , and I did what any self-respecting, anal-retentive, overly-anxious first-time mother would do — I went home, rethought all of my plans and obsessed about minute and completely unimportant details.

I spent a few hours setting up out-of-office messages and making sure everyone I had ever worked with knew how to handle things while I was on maternity leave, and then I tested my out-of-office messages. I frantically attempted to finish every work project I wanted to complete prior to giving birth. Keep in mind that 1) I was only taking one month of leave and 2) I had already completed about 6 months of work in advance so that everything would be covered in the event that I was out longer than expected.

Somewhere around 9pm I realized that all of my prenatal planning was insufficient. I chose the wrong carseat. I should have gone ahead and gotten the cosleeper in addition to the pack ‘n play, and the pack ‘n play was the wrong color. Oh, and what was I thinking with Azita’s name. I can’t make “Safavian” her middle name. I promptly emailed my cousin to ask her opinion on the matter. After all, it was her who told me that she hated having her mother’s last name as her middle name. It was just too long and awkward. Would it be better if I hyphenated Azita’s last name? Then again isn’t Safavian-Hughlett a little too long? Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Right about then I realized that I was getting a little carried away with my anxiety, so I repacked my hospital bag 2 or 3 times and settled in to watch old episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation until it was time to leave for the hospital. It’s a good thing too, because Azita almost became Azita Anahita Safavian-Hughlett. Seriously. That’s what happens when you come up with baby names at 3am on birth day. Please heed this little public service announcement and don’t do it, people.

If I had only know that none of the above would matter, I could have enjoyed that day. Then again, I thoroughly enjoyed a few of my favorite STNG episodes  (love any episode featuring Q), and the end result was better than I ever could have imagined. More on that tomorrow.

Baby Yogi

Sometimes it seems like Azita is doing yoga.

Exhibit A: Going into Crescent Pose

Crescent Pose

Crescent Pose

Exhibit B: Downward Facing Dog


Downward Facing Dog

Downward Facing Dog

Exhibit C: Wide Yoga Squat

Wide Yoga Squat

Wide Yoga Squat

Say “Bye-Bye”, the Saga Continues

It appears that my efforts to get Azita to actually wave and say “Bye-Bye” to me have pushed the other kids at her daycare over the edge. This morning as I did my little dance and waved and talked in that maniacal, high-pitched voice (seriously I did not know my voice went that high), Azita sat with her back turned to me and played with a plastic Scooby-Doo Mystery Van. Emmett, on the other hand, said “Bye-Bye”, waved, AND blew kisses to me. Blew kisses to me! It was so cute. I’m not the kind of person who doesn’t care much for other peoples’ chidren, but I’m not exactly gushy over them either. This definitely pushes Emmett into the “freakin adorable” category, though. I’ve been gushing over Emmett all morning. I can’t even remember the last time anyone blew a kiss to me. Now I’m going to have to work on that with Azita. Forget the whole “bye-bye” thing. I want her to blow me a kiss.

I just need to figure out how to get rid of that stupid Scooby-Doo Mystery Van. It’s always foiling my plans.

The Precious

The precious

Sometimes when no one is around, not even the cats, I talk to Azita as if I’m Gollum and she’s THE ring. I mean I do the full on Gollum voice and everything. Feel free to judge.

Inheriting the Fun-damentals

When I was a kid the whole “Reading is Fun-damental” campaign was pretty much unnecessary for me, as were the summer reading programs where kids could earn a pizza or some other treat for reading a certain number of books. Or any of the other incentives adults came up with to teach children to make reading a habit. I loved to read. I still do. By the time I was in high school I would sometimes read up to 2 or 3 books a day. Yes. I meant “per day.” I’m not exaggerating.  One of my coworkers insisted that I must be lying about this statement. I’m not. I know you’re doing the math right now — how many pages per hour?

Well, I can read pretty fast. I actually read slower now than I did in high school and college. But I read so much because I quite simply couldn’t put books down. Once I started a book I had to finish it immediately. This means that I was frequently walking around with my nose in a book, and it wasn’t uncommon for me to stay up in bed reading only to discover that the sun was once again rising. Luckily, I have  always been able to survive on very little sleep (a trait that has been very handy to me as a mother).

One of my sisters also loves to read as much as I do. We both still read constantly, and many of our conversations revolve around what we’ve read recently. My other sister is so very different from us, however. She does not enjoy reading. In fact, she’s not really very good at reading and was nearly illiterate for most of elementary school. It is this fact that breeds internal conflict in me.

See, I love reading so much that this is the one trait of mine I deeply hope Azita will inherit. If she has no interest in science and math, I won’t care. I won’t mind if she does not inherit my musical ear or artistic capabilities. I could care less if she looks like me. I want her to be a reader, and I want her to love it. I want her to be intensely curious about the world around her and to want to read everything there is to know about it. It is this trait of mine that has not only made it just about impossible for me to ever get bored, but it has made it possible for me to learn quickly and adapt to almost any situation.

I once had a professor who professed admiration for the fact that I learned new things by throwing myself into the deep end and learning as I did. It is true that I do this, and the only reason I am able to do this is because I feel confident that whatever I don’t know (and I don’t know a lot) I can learn from what someone else has written. I lack confidence in myself so frequently, but it is my confidence in learning that holds me together and brings me any success I may have in life. I want Azita to always feel secure in this way. To know that the great unknown is not so scary, because it is learnable.

I desire this so much that I obsess about it. I watch her every action around books. How can I tell if she will love reading as my sister and I do, and not dislike it as our youngest sister does? I mean, we all grew up in the same  household, and yet we are so very different in this aspect. How much of the love of reading and learning is nurture?

I frequently talk to my sister about my fear that Azita will not love books. Considering that Roger and I both love to read, it may seem irrational. But until very recently Azita would not let me read to her. Books were things to rip up and throw and chew on. On rare occasions I could make it through a couple pages of Goodnight Moon or Olivia before she would lose interest, but those occasions were very rare. My sister assured me that my worrying was for naught. “Just exposing your daughter to books will teach her to love to read,” she said. I had my doubts.

Then, this morning as I was feeding Azita her breakfast, she leaned over the side of her booster chair and pulled her “Colors” book over so she could flip the pages as she ate her mangoes and waffles. She was actually eating with her nose in a book. Just like I did at the dinner table when I was a child. Maybe all is not lost after all. We may yet be a family that reads together.

Snow!

The first snowfall has hit our nation’s capital, and it really is lovely. The flakes are large and fluffy, and they are floating softly to the ground. I love it. I’ve always loved snow, but it makes me feel warm and nostalgic even more now that we have Azita.

I am reminded of the day we brought her home from the hospital. She had lost too much weight, and they wanted her to gain an ounce or two before they let us go home. It looked like we would be spending another night in our hospital room, and I thought I would go crazy. Azita slept on my chest as I watched old episodes of Law & Order and contemplated just how good a hot shower would feel, when the nurse walked in. And she wasn’t there to take my temperature and blood pressure yet again. “You’re cleared to go home,” she said. As I jumped up about as fast as someone who had a c-section 3 days earlier could jump and reached into my bags for her going-home outfit, the sky opened up and snowflakes and little pellets of ice began their descent to the ground.

Winter had finally arrived in D.C.  I can’t say I wasn’t a little freaked out by the prospect of taking my 3-day old daughter out into the elements. Actually, I was petrified. But when we finally figured out how to get her into her carseat and were buckled up in our warm car, I looked down at my daughter as the snow blanketed our little world. All was quiet and white, and here we were. A family. I’ve never felt so cozy and content.

And now as it is snowing again, the first time this season, I hold a sleeping Azita a little closer and nuzzle my face into her neck. I am filled with that same warm feeling I felt 11 months ago, and all is right in my world.